didnt know a month could affect someone so much.

i dont want life without you

im sitting in a hostel in paris wondering whats become of life. a year ago i was at work only really starting to make the choice to travel over seas and here i am. im not really in the same place i thought i would be but that is fading and im living all the more. i have grown up alot these last couple of months. iv learnt to plan ahead and being in countries with large language barriers this makes it all the more important. i have seen wonderful cathedrals filled with passion for the love of god and iv seen places where not even the lord himself will dare to tred. iv seen places that take my breathe away and places that i have left a small part of my self behind in the hope i can one day return to collect it all. i hope to have some one with me for these times as she has my heart and i will need her help to piece me back up but who knows maybe we will both leave again to leave a small part of both off us behind. iv been to places where some of the brightest people in the worlds history are now laid to rest and seen memorials to many who should be remembered if not for the unknown name but for what they went through to either save their country or for just being how they are. its hard to experiance all of this and not mature i think as i know everyday im learn something new and look at the world a little different as the more cultures i dive into and the more local people i meet i realise how so many people can be so different but that does not mean they should be excluded or left behind as many of these people have been wonderful. forget the pasts done by and remember them for what happens now. i have had some brilliant times and i have had times i wish to crawl up and watch the world pass me by. i have had many a laughs with new found friends some of which i still remain in contact with as you can meet some really lovely people just by hello. i think of home every now and then but not as often as i thought there is one person constantly in there smiling and laughing always bringing a smile to my face. now that one i do miss.

this point in time im at lisbon the capitol of portugal. it has a lovely castle with great views. it has a beautiful beach. thats all i can say right now as i have yet to see the rest. so this is where ill leave it for now.

i have never experianced such self anger i have completely ruined the best thing that could have ever happened to me i had every thought of a beautiful future for us and always thought of seeing your beautiful face in a few months all the emotion became to much and i completely lost track of my self and my mind. the last day i have had a clear head starting to think like i used to and the more i think about it the more i hate my self. many thoughts have come into my head as i no longer have joy in me i no longer have a functional heart i tore apart the most amazing girl in the world and perhaps she will be stronger than ever and i have lost everything i ever dreamed of. i can no longer feel my heart except the thounderous pounding of pure hatred it sends through out me. i fall asleep huddled in pain dreaming to never wake up. i have experianced some evils in my past but that does not account for my own evils. i love you and always will

this one is from me and its basically to let say i fucked up but for the first time im actually motivated to do something

I am in London right now with the BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER.  I have failed to mention her in this blog so far, but that’s ecause talking about her just makes me feel inadequate and sad because I’m not with her.  It hurts too much to talk about her so I don’t.  But now she is here so I will write a post about her.

Her name is Peggy.  She’s short and I like to call her a midget, even though she is actually NOT THAT SHORT, I’m just freakishly tall.  She has beautiful long, dark brown hair and green eyes and really small hands that are kind of weird.  She goes to the University of Georgia in the USA but she is currently studying in Paris and speaks French and I think it’s sexy when she does.  She’s really smart oh and have I mentioned how beautiful she is?  We used to skype a lot so now sometimes we stare at each other because we’re confused about the fact that we can see each other without a computer.  But she is the best person in the whole wide world and I love her lots and I will even give her my favorite rugby jersey that she really really wants, even though I keep pretending that I won’t.  Because I would do anything for her.  ANYTHING.  Also she likes my tradesman hands.

Aaaaaanyway now we are here in London and we’ve done lots of fun things today!  We saw the Tate Modern and ate Italian food and I gave very educational thoughts on the things we saw in the museum.  Now we are going to go to dinner and tomorrow we get to meet my dad and claire AND go to the chelsea museum!!

P.S. In case I haven’t said this enough PEGGY IS THE BEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD.

The end.

Also, Phil wrote this blog.  Nobody else.  This is not Peggy masquerading as Phil.  That would just be weird.

So today i went to the local university where my dads girlfriend claire works. It is a really lovely campus backing onto the river with a great open grass area for students to lie down and study. They have 3 rugby fields, 2 cricket pitches, 1 league field and one football field. English university rugby is terrible! i also waited an hour to get into a church that only opens friday afternoons to find out its not open today, this would not normally bother me as i am quite surprised i was not burnt to a crisp by jebus when i walked into a cathedral a couple of days ago. The reason this annoyed me is because it has a stain glass window inside that is called the dance of death or similar to that and there are only 2 others similar to this in the rest of the world.

so yesterday i went to see a castle that was built sometime in the 1st century which being an australian flips me out as we cant really get a grasp on something that old as we dont have history like that. our local history that would out date it all has been lost due to the take over of the aboriginals these whits devils brought forth. This castle was amazing, it was just a simple keep left but the lay out was one of the best set defensive castles iv ever seen. After spending most of my time in something that might seem mundane to some i continued on home having a pint of ale on my way. That night we went and had tapas with a lovely spanish friend of dads who was more than willing to answer the birage of questions i sent her way and the differences in the language that i am going to need some understanding of. The dinner its self was amazing and having raquel tell us it was authentic spanish we felt quite happy indeed. On the walk home i found out that to be called a city in england you must have a cathedral no matter how large the town. Every city has one cathedral as it is the bishops house, however norwich has two cathedrals but for different religions built at different time periods.

 well what can i say. its amazing here in norwich, the buildings are older than white folk in australia and cambridge university is just an incredible sight. the flight over took its time but the stop overs were quite quick never really giving me a chance to refresh. so when i arrived in londed after 28 hours of flying 4 hours in total of stop overs and a 4 hour bus ride i was aventually home. the beer here is alot better than i expected which is great news for any backpacker starting off. i have met dads girlfriend who is very lovely and dad himself seems a much happier person which is great to see.

been a while. today i was really down and hating everything. i came home and straight onto skype. this seemed to make things worse as i forget the problems one is already facing and focus on my own i have agreed to things that make sense and am trying to show im a bit more than an air head aussie. my love is waiting for results she should have had days ago and i can see it taking its toll. naturally all i want is to hold her hand and hug her tight and re-asure her everything will be ok. i do my best but 9000miles puts a big strain on our reach. i do find it hard to open up and generally just end up pissing everyone off when i should really just say what i feel. life events have tought me to shut down run away and hide and to trust no one but i am starting to let go and learn that letting go is ok and maybe to listen to those in a position to teach me. i am a slow learner but once i have learnt it, it stays with me for ever so a little patience is needed but the results are well worth the wait. i just cant wait to hold the one i love and show her that her worries were for nothing though they are completly valid i just hope in 2 months time i can prove my words.